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Writer's pictureallison ching

Ladies, it pays to be The Baby in a relationship.



“Just ask for it… and do so with an innocent smile.”

FYI — that was my response when people, usually women, asked how I get my husband to do things for me. And they are often surprised. We tend to over-think things, but the truth is — it IS that simple.

I ask for kisses and cuddles when I need attention; I ask for the food I fancy; I no longer need to ask for cappuccinos every morning because my husband has internalized that ask in his system. I wake up daily with the aroma of coffee. And the above is the tip of the iceberg. Some of you may wonder — Why should I ask my husband, boyfriend, or significant other to do things for me when I’m able to do most tasks myself?

Because YOU CAN.

This may be hard for many independent women to accept, but…

Asking for something is NOT a sign of neediness.

Women, we have been fighting arduously for the past 100 years to get certain rights — voting, education, status, and many more. That fight continues today. To encourage women to be more financially independent and self-sufficient, we are subjected to many messages that consciously or subconsciously tell us that “I alone am enough”, “Weak men cannot handle strong women”, “We do not need to depend on men for things”.

While I fully agree that women should be financially independent and self-sufficient, I also fear that some of us are conditioned by such messages, whose original intention is to empower women, to think that it is a sign of weakness or neediness to ask a man for things. Conversely, having the ease to ask your significant other for something is a sign of stability and security in the relationship. You neither feel awkward with your requests nor fear judgment from him.

A relationship that you can be open about your asks is a strong relationship. Besides the above, we also need to realize…

Most men are wired to protect and provide,

just as most women are wired to nurture.

Why not play to their biological instincts?

Men are willing to do things for the women they love, for the women they wish to protect. They are doing so not because they think that you are weak (yes, I admit such cases do exist), they are doing so because you are valuable to them.

You may argue, we unwittingly stroke their egos and make them feel superior when we ask them for things, go to them for help, or accept their support.

SO WHAT? What do you have to lose? Your pride as an independent woman?

Look, if a man doesn’t feel that you need him, he will move on. In a loving relationship, we have nothing to lose by making our significant others feel that they are important to us. That’s why we termed them as ‘significant’, right?

To me, one of the best things about being a woman in modern society today is that we can shift into different modes and play different roles depending on the situation. We can be the nurturing partner, the damsel in distress, or Xena the warrior princess. Who we choose to be is not a zero-sum game. In this case, we can have our cake and eat it.

My dear sisters, leave the guilt (and maybe the pride) behind. Enjoy the pampering and l’amour. It’s a win-win.

Before we get carried away, here’s an important note — to continue enjoying the perks of being The Baby, we must also show that we deserve that treatment. We need to…

Give him reasons to want to please you.

There must be something in you that makes your significant other want to hold on to you. It’s not just who you are in that relationship, it’s WHO YOU ARE, period. You want to be someone whom people want to be around. For that, you need to have qualities that people respect, appreciate, and admire. A few examples come to mind:

  • Be someone with interesting things going on. It can be something as common as having regular tennis sessions, learning a new language, or dining with friends. The key is to have your own life and hobbies. People gravitate to those who are interesting. If you are staying at home all the time waiting for your man and become too available, you are making it easy for him to take you for granted.

  • Be someone who is intellectually stimulating, or at least be able to hold a conversation on common topics. Let’s face it, who wants to be in a long-term relationship with someone whom they cannot communicate with? To build a deeper connection in a relationship, both of you must be able to communicate at a mutually stimulating level.

  • Be someone genuine and compassionate. Almost everyone likes to be around a person who exudes warmth and authenticity. He needs to know that he can rely on you, and that you are his safe space. We all want to feel secure. It’s basic instinct.

  • Be someone attractive. Attractiveness comes in many forms. Physique and looks are one of them, but so are confidence, humour, amid many other qualities. The fact is, if he knows that other people find you attractive, he will want you more.

  • Be someone independent. While a man wants to feel needed, he will also feel a sense of pride to know that you are with him because you want to, not because you have no other choice. Always be able to hold your own. It sends a message that he cannot get too complacent about the relationship, for you can choose to walk away.

Ultimately, relationships are a two-way street. Both parties have to put in the effort to make it work. What I wish to emphasize in this article is — It’s comforting and joyful to be able to be The Baby in a relationship with the one you love, even if it’s once in a while, and even if those moments are temporary. Just enjoy the love.

Don’t be afraid to ask. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you can get.


I hope you find a man who makes you a lovely cup of cappuccino every morning. I love that sprinkle of cinnamon!


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