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Writer's pictureallison ching

Why your real life begins from 39



“Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.” — Herbert Asquith, former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Sigh… I couldn’t agree more. When I was in my teens I had nothing but youth. Now, I have a lot of what I wanted but I no longer have youth.

“Relax Allison… just relax. Your life — your REAL LIFE— just began!”

“Huh??” was my perplexed reaction when an ex-professor told me the above over coffee. (Yes, Mr. Yeo, I’m referring to you. And thanks for inspiring this article.)

It seemed somewhat counter-intuitive at first, but after hearing Mr. Yeo’s explanation and reflecting on how our lives typically rolled out in the first 3 to 4 decades, I realized that indeed — Real Life begins at 39 for many reasons.

Welcome to the point when Money meets Maturity.


Before we get to the point of convergence, let’s take a walk down memory lane.

The first few years of your life from when you were born to becoming a toddler and beyond are no doubt crucial. I’m not going to disagree, I just have a simple question — how much do you really remember?

Age 0–9, I remember playing with other kids in the playground, especially when we were all fighting to get on the merry-go-round. I remember I was always at the top of my class. I remember my grandmother used to cane me when I misbehaved. I remember she told me the other kids called me ‘Little Devil’ behind my back because I love to beat them and pull their hair. I have absolutely no recollection of those devilish moments. I guess selective memory can happen at an early age!

My point is, even if we could remember some moments, we certainly did not know shit. We had no idea what’s life. All we were doing was to absorb as much as possible at what’s coming at us from all corners of our environment — home, school, community.

Age 10–19. Most of us spent our time studying during this period. Ok, maybe some of you managed to pack in a few dates, adventures, or mischief now and then, but the focus was getting educated so that we could become useful adults and be ‘more prepared’ for college and/or life. *rolls eyes* We were under the control of our parents or our teachers, we had no money except for some miserable pocket money or petty cash earned from doing random jobs.

A sweet 16? HELL NO. I wouldn’t go back.

Age 20–29. Now, things start to get more interesting — and complicated. This period is probably going to be one of the more eventful times. It’s exciting and scary in so many aspects! We started to emerge from our nest, we started to earn money, we started to explore the world through our lenses and means, mostly independent of our parents. At this point, we were also most likely to discover what we’ve been taught at home or school did not necessarily apply to what is termed the “REAL WORLD”.

You must work hard — but sometimes working hard does not bring you a promotion or anything, really.

You must not steal — but different forms of stealing happen every day.

You must always be kind to one another — Mmkay… sure.

And so on.

Life from the point when you leave home or exit education does not play out in a structured manner. There is no going from kindergarten to primary school to high school and so on, just as the system intended. You will experience, you will question, you will have no choice but to navigate the complexities, and you will have to make decisions — what do I want to do and achieve, where do I want to settle, who do I want to be with, what do I value most, among many others because you will hope to establish some fundamentals before the next phase — WHEN 30 HITS.


Age 30. Assuming your 20s are a time for discovering, questioning, and trying out whatever life brings, your 30-year-old point will hopefully be the time when you have a clearer idea of who you are, what you want, what’s best for you, or at the very least, what’s NOT good for you. This is likely to be a time to decide if you want to have a family or stay single — they determine much of the course going forward, but at least you choose your methods to tackle what lies ahead.


It is also typically from 30 that you make bigger efforts to grow your assets, especially if you have your own family or are planning for one. Inheritance aside, many of us are not likely to have significant savings or investments in our 20s unless we have a fat paycheck or live frugally because we want to trade money for so many tempting options out there! We want to travel, we want to buy things, we want to experience what we haven’t done before! Hence, we tend to focus on growing assets from 30.


Age 35 — The first check-in point. You get here sooner than you think. How is life panning out for you at this juncture? Is your Real Life starting?


Age 39 — Your Real Life begins at the point of convergence. This is the time when things should ideally fall in place and come together.


Financially, if you have made conscious efforts to save and invest, you can start to enjoy your Real Life and reap the fruits of your labour, that is, to spend without fear knowing that the next harvest is in sight. You have laid the groundwork, you have greater means to spend with more confidence as you have acquired the capabilities to replenish and grow your assets.

Emotionally and mentally, you have grown as a person. You tend to be more confident of who you are and care less about what people think of you. In your 20s, you were still adjusting to life’s complexities and may be disillusioned from time to time. In your 30s, you have a better sense of how the world works. I’m not saying life gets easier, I’m hoping you have gotten more sagacious to deal with the vicissitudes of life.


Physically, if we take proper nutrition, take care of our body, and take enough rest, we can minimize or even reverse the effects of aging. I have seen people in their 40s or 50s having more energy and drive than people in their 20s or 30s. Unabashedly, I am definitely in better physical shape now in my 30s than in my teens. Energy-wise, I don’t feel any difference. I admit that if I were to binge drink right now, I would feel way worse the next day than when I was 18, but growing older does come with a mindset shift from having that ‘reckless abandon’ approach to life to a more ‘know my limits but still enjoy myself’ mentality.


It’s all about Moderation and Maintenance.

If 40 is the new 30, and 30 is the new 20, then youth is but merely a mindset.

To paraphrase Herbert Asquith, “Youth, in a more ideal state, has returned a little later in life.”


Whether or not your Real Life begins earlier than 39, at 39, or after 39, just remember:

  • Maintenance is key. You need to be disciplined to sustain a good state of health to enjoy what life brings.

  • Moderation is key to maintenance. Excess or dearth never benefited anyone of any age.

  • Money may be important, but what’s more important is to use money respectfully and practically according to your means. ‘Greater means to spend’ differs from person to person. Compare what you have to what you didn’t have, not to what others have.

  • Maturity in one’s mindset to manage the above is what makes a Real Life.

That’s convergence, folks.



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