If you are reading this article, you probably belong to the better half of this world, with an internet connection, decent electricity, and having the option to read leisurely.
Most of us in this half have comfort, opportunities, choices, so many choices that we often live in excesses. If this is the case, then why are we still not satisfied? “Oh I need this”, “Oh I want that”, “I’m pissed that I didn’t get front row seats at U2 concert!”
Typical frustrations. Paradox of choice. First world problems.
But, can you really blame us?
Our hunger and folly are manifestations of the materialistic society we live in, a society that celebrates, in dramatic fashion, billionaires, beautiful people, and even new iPhones! We are bombarded with messages that tell us — we should always have more. We’ve been conditioned since young to chase after what this kind of society advocates.
Let’s begin with family.
I come from a competitive East Asian society. When I was young, I often heard parents, my mum included, telling their children, “You must score As for your tests! You must go to a top school! You must make me proud! Understand?!”
I know all parents love their children, but they unknowingly send a message that they will love their children more if they score ‘A’s.
And if I look at the education system from which I emerged, the distribution of the results showed that Jack got a “B” and Jill got an “A” because the school could allocate “As” to only a specific percentage of the students in a cohort, just like only a handful could get “As” at work and be considered for promotion.
Various systems in society interpret an individual’s value by comparing him or her to everyone else. No appreciation is given to one’s intrinsic value; everyone is extrinsically defined.

As a result, we grew up and became indoctrinated in certain beliefs — We need to have more! We need to be better! Maybe someone will finally like me?
The impact of social media these days is insidious. Facebook, for example, exacerbates this belief of fake popularity. I want more ‘friends’, I want more likes. I don’t care if I don’t know half of my Facebook friends, I just want their likes.
We crave for attention from other people, and yet, we focus our attention on getting inanimate validations.
Ironic, isn’t it?
There is a rush, a rush to get on the latest trend, to buy the latest gadget, and to do the next cool thing. We hope it will get us more attention, admiration, or even acceptance. Maybe, for a while, some of us do get that dose of triple As — Attention, Admiration, Acceptance. But what happens after it wears off? We have to go for more!
We are running in a vicious cycle that fuels the engine of this better world.

A still from the Black Mirror episode Fifteen Million Merits where most of society must cycle on exercise bikes day and night to earn a currency called “merits” to buy a ticket to enter a Talent Show whose winners can live a life of luxury.
To be fair, without running in this cycle, we wouldn’t have generated enough food and water, roofs over our heads, high-speed internet. The question is — to what end?
One of the greatest paradoxes of the better world is that, despite the wealth and opportunities, cases of suicides and depression are prevalent, especially among the youth. According to a United Nations report in 2019, suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people aged 15–29. In a piece of news that shocked my home country Singapore in 2016, an 11-year-old boy jumped to his death because he was afraid to show his parents his mid-year examinations results.
When no one is to blame, everyone is to blame. It was said, there is no suicide for which all society is not responsible. Then we must ask ourselves, what has gone wrong to make people, even the young ones, with their whole lives ahead of them, to render living meaningless?
“In the developed countries there is a poverty of intimacy, a poverty of spirit, of loneliness, of lack of love. There is no greater sickness in the world today than that one.” — Mother Teresa
Well, there is no better person to point out the elephant in the room.
It’s not easy to admit it, but we are scared. We are scared of being unwanted, we are scared of being insignificant that we are eventually forgotten, we are scared of being left behind that we jump on the bandwagon or grab onto any possession to get that dose of triple As.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying materialistic pursuits is wrong. We just have to realize that they are not substitutes for affection. If you start embracing material things hoping that they’ll give you a hug back, you’ll never find the warmth and tenderness you’re looking for.
Pockets of material gains or elevated social status bring random moments of pleasure or privileges for sure, but never a lifetime of real happiness.
The need to feel connected, appreciated, wanted is a constant that doesn’t change be it in times of crises or peace. The common denominator of humanity is the ties that unite us to one another. We may have neglected these ties while we were busy chasing other things, but all is not lost.
If we have created this poverty, we can fix this poverty.
The good thing is, it doesn’t take a lot of effort. The simplest actions — encouraging words, thoughtful gestures, or even sincere smiles — can illuminate life’s dark moments with sparks of hope and joy, even when all seemed lost.
And, there’s no better time to start than now.
1) Acknowledge the people around you
Sometimes, we forget a simple connection we make can mean so much when people realize we actually care. One day, on my way to catch a train, I saw an old lady in her late 70s, hunched, and standing near the station gate selling tissues. In Singapore, such actions can be akin to begging. I stopped to give her $2 for a packet and asked how she was. She responded by giving me a lovely toothless smile and said “I’m well. You’re very kind for asking. Thank you very much.”
Her smile made me realize — If you could make a difference to someone’s life, no matter how small or how brief, you have strengthened the ties that unite people. It’s not necessarily the monetary value that matters, but the warmth and a flicker of hope they received when you showed that they were not invisible to you.
Don’t underestimate the ripple effect of a small action.
“We cannot all do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” — Mother Teresa.
2) Appreciate the uniqueness and beauty in people
We live in a world where classification is omnipresent — in jobs, school ranking, dress sizes — literally anything that can be classified is classified. To be fair, classification serves many purposes. For example, the government segments individuals by income to determine benefits allocation. Back then, the Singapore education system categorized students into different streams to help those with weaker academic capabilities better cope with their studies.
All these classifications would have been OK if we didn’t start treating people, even our closed ones, based on superficial classification.
Students from my primary school who ended up in the lowest stream often received condescending treatment. They are mocked by peers, disregarded by teachers, and even considered by their parents to be a disgrace.
I kid you not.
When we stop seeing the good in people, we stop encouraging them. When we assess people based on external classifications, we overlook their innate skills, values, and qualities.
Your son may not match up to your expectations in grades, but he does well in tennis and basketball. Appreciate those skills.
Your colleague may not speak good English, but she is respectful and hardworking. Appreciate those values.
Your heavily tattooed neighbour may look like a thug, but he is helpful and friendly. Appreciate those qualities.
What we see in others is a reflection of our perception. How we treat others is a reflection of our nature. People may just surprise us, if we pay attention to the uniqueness and beauty in them.
3) Be less cynical. Compassion = 1/Cynicism
Let’s face it — we judge. Many times we tend to see the price of everything and the value of nothing. We question the motives of charity organizations when a few black sheep are found embezzling public funds. We refuse to hire ex-convicts trying to make a new living when a few black sheep re-commit crimes. We even turn our family or friends away when they reach out because we just don’t see a point in helping them. After all, who wants to be that fool for others to exploit?
True, there are always going to be abysmal examples that put you off. But, if you allow those few examples to stop you from helping the rest, innocent parties will bear the brunt. If being compassionate and kind to other people takes nothing substantially away from you, why be worried if you are a fool for helping or be calculative on who gets a bigger slice of the cake in any context, especially when you’re living in a life way better than theirs?
Love is something we can give away, without fear of having less of it. If we think in terms of costs and try to rationalize our actions, the arrogance of reason has separated us from love.
To judge is human, to empathize divine.
4) Focus on what and who really matters
“There’s only so much money a man really needs, the rest is just for showing off.” — Forrest Gump
While the COVID-19 pandemic has forced us to reshuffle our priorities, it has also enabled us to see what’s most important and essential.
We don’t see people queuing outside Louis Vuitton, we don’t see people in supermarkets with trolleys full of Voss, Caviar, or Fugu. In times of crisis, we choose what matters most — basic nutritious food, clean water, medicine, shelter, and ensuring the people you love are safe. I’m not saying we need to stick to an ascetic lifestyle even in normal times, considering the choices and luxuries we have. But, if we end up destroying our relationships, become perpetually unhappy, stressed, or bitter in our pursuit of ambitions or more luxuries, then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate our priorities.
5) First, accept and love yourself, and then love others
There are many reasons why we may resent ourselves. Some reasons originate from deep-seated psychological issues or trauma that are rooted in childhood or adolescence, and these issues need to be discussed separately and perhaps professionally. A lot of the other reasons why many of us find it hard to accept and love who we are and what we have because… we don’t have enough, we’re not good enough. It’s just so hard to measure up!
And the truth is, it’ll never be enough. They say the sky’s the limit, but billionaires like Elon Musk already has his sights set beyond earth!
If nothing beyond is ever enough, then real happiness has to come from within. Whether you choose to be happy or unhappy, you don’t change what you have today. But if you choose to be happy, you change who you are immediately. You’ll change how you feel about your day or situation, and you’ll change how people feel about being around you.
We may have different possessions, but we have the same things to offer — time, patience, concern, compliments, or even a smile. There’s nothing that spreads optimism or compassion more than a comforting hug, a listening ear, a gentle touch, or some kind words.
Love is like a ripple, it spreads from within. We all have the power to start this chain reaction.
Let’s redefine the ‘better half’ of this world.
The ‘better half’ of this world is definitely in better shape than those countries or cities in the other half. We have buildings, infrastructure, sanitation… you get my point. More importantly, people in this part of the world possess the tools and abilities to accomplish even better and greater things for current and future generations.
As we take on this responsibility, we must remember — the way to make us even better and greater lies beyond building a society that is wealthy in assets; we must build a society that is just as wealthy in compassion and love.
They are the elements that lubricate the mechanism of the human spirit worn down by ambitions. Without compassion and love, society is left in monologue. Technology and achievements may have moved the development of this world forward and we have witnessed tremendous results. But love and compassion complete this movement by providing people with hope, joy, and fulfillment to live on knowing that it’s worth it.
Perhaps, when we use our physical wealth as a tool and enabler to generate the true wealth of our society, we can all agree that we are in the ‘better half’.

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